Reflection

Reflection 2/20/08

 

“Man is first a being who needs nourishment for his spiritual needs, and that if he could cultivate and train this primary nature, this spiritual nature, he could develop whole other energies.”-Joseph Beuys

 

            Engaged within a cycle (of months and seasons, etc.) we are presently bound to the linear qualities of time though evidence of the cycle surrounds. As a young child, this element of time is vague and abstract. Perhaps it always remains this way. The grids of the cityscape present this dilemma: time ticking life away with so much to accomplish and exclaim. The ultimate desire is a yearning for acceptance and love through not only personal achievements but by lending a helping hand; an engagement with empathy. To do this artist’s exploration must be one of spirituality, shaped by those important events and memories that culminate into our drives.

            A vision of sorts merging from the void is the starting point, as stated in a previous essay. This deeply transformative experience provides both the burden and pleasure of thought. The goal at hand has been to divert the burden and turn my drive into a fiery passion that motivates my whole being to utilize my maximum potential. I have recently stated that I wish to be poetic within all of my endeavors; secure in tone. This freedom is worth fighting for. This poetic grace would allow for me to maximize my knowledge and zeal to its fullest potential and perhaps spread the wealth in a humble simple gesture. With this said, Personal identity has begun to be shaped and molded into existence.

            Warmth extends from the over empowerment of light saturating my vision but it also refers to a mother’s embrace. In my youth my mother was my comrade. My mother had divorced my father while I was still very young. Images of my mother packing boxes, stacking dishes into their transport graves in our apartment still haunt me to this day. I remember the dividing line of property and I can remember inquiring-“ What is happening?”. Nevertheless, I was raised by a single mother just as many others have. This has shaped me radically.

            What is prevalent here, is one memory in particular, in which I am held within her arms being rocked back and forth, in the darkness. My mother, young, strong, and able gently whispered the sweet schemes of nursery rhymes to settle such a muddled soul. Melody and a pulse from my mother’s chest resonated and calmed cleansing the entanglements of growth. Her compassion always has. My Mother’s selfless act served as my first real memory of physical warmth and was the preparation for what I was about to endure.

            Perhaps the resonation of light was not only relevant due to my eye problems but also due to the face that this memory of the intimacy between my mother and I has been engraved within my mind.

            In my recent performance Human Void with Color Abstractions Waltz, I attempted to express the over empowerment of light and warm tones in relation to my eye problems. I wished for the light and warm tones to meditatively and playfully move the way light did when beams of illumination hit my eyes anew. What I have discovered about light and warmth in terms of physicality and science is just the surface. Yes, the performance in itself had its flaws but it had its revelations. The two halogen lights remarkably reminded me of a relationship between attached souls and how powerful and fragile that connection truly is. This union contained enough energy to recall past experiences.

Warmth is associated with love and knowledge. From the cold expansion of the void one reaches for a revelation, for a caretaker, for confidence. A mother’s saccharine embrace and blessing for knowledge and affection can be a starting point to expressing this while A lover’s acceptance of a Lilly can bring about new beginnings.

 

We are searching for that transitory union in which we briefly catch a glimpse into another’s soul and vice versa.